I is dun football post!

Can’t go to bed until someone wins the World Cup, and it’s looking like it might be a shootout finish. Stressful.

Ooooh, Dutchman sent off in the final minutes of the…final. Idiot. Spanish free kick now. Nope, went over. What’s the guys name? Sounds like Chavvy, but it’s not that. Xavi.

Another Dutch player just got booked -this has been a dirty game. 8 yellows for the Netherlands in this game, the tv man tells me.

I seem to have begun live-bogging the final minutes of the 2010 FIFA World Cup. Except I’m not publishing live, so this is going to be more a stream of consciousness.

Nothing much is happening now… It is still 0-0.

The Spanish coach is old with a moustache, which means that I have an inexplicable feeling of tenderness towards him. Seriously, in films or whatever, if an old man gets hurt or upset, I get very upset too. God help the screenwriters if he also has a moustache…for some reason a moustache adds sympathy to an old man. I don’t know why I’m like that.

Still, nothing has happened.

Oops, a goal kick has been given it seems…I missed it. The commentator just accidentally advertised Specsavers, and then went very quiet.

SPAIN HAVE SCORED! HANDSOME DARK HAIRED MEN ARE PILING ON TOP OF EACH OTHER AND MEN WEARING BRIGHT ORANGE ARE LOOKING ABSOLUTELY FURIOUS! THEY ARE YELLING AT THE REFEREE! He’s English, by the way, and most shiny of head.

Another Dutch man got a yellow. And the dude who just scored for Spain had been booked for removing his shirt in celebration, haha! Fiona assures us this is something to do with corporate people being cross at the advertising on the shirt being whipped off screen at the most important moment.

Ohh no, the handsome Dutch goalie is crying.

I am sad for the Netherlands, this is their 4th World Cup final, and they’ve never won yet. Also, they have to wear orange. Ick.

Torres is lying on the floor, with a genuine injury. Still, he’s about to win the Cup so maybe that will cheer him up a bit.

I seriously cannot believe how far goalies can kick.

OOOO! WHISTLE BLOWS, SPAIN HAVE WON THE WORLD CUP FOR THE FIRST TIME! LOTS OF MEN BOUNCING UP AND DOWN KISSING EACH OTHER, NOT LISTENING TO KYLIE MINOGUE! The Dutch look sad.

Oh, please stop crying handsome goalie. Oh… He may in fact be a Spanish goalie sobbing with joy. I’m not sure.

Mum points out that Paul the Octopus was right again! That is one freaky octopus, beaten only into second place by Ursula from The Little Mermaid.

A Dutch player who looks like Phil Spencer is looking in pain.

Ahhh… it IS the Spanish goalie who is crying. Man up. The Dutch goalie is looking tall and blonde and stony faced.

Oh look, King Felipe.

All these weeping men are making me sad. The Dutch crowd are a sad sight to see! A load of deflated orange people.

The crying Spanish goalie is also the captain, so I’m going to allow him a few tears. The Spanish are picking up their moustachioed coach and throwing him in the air. I wish we’d won, just so we could enjoy the spectacle of Capello trying to enjoy being thrown in the air and keep his glasses on.

Come on, hand the things out. I want to go to bed. Give them the trophy (which, I point out, is NOT a cup). That tootily toot music they’re playing now, Fiona points out -and we agree- sounds like the theme music from Galaxy Quest.

Yeah, cheer the ref! Howard the Englishman! Not Howard from the Halifax, thankfully. Ah dear there was some booing of the ref. My sympathy for the Dutch is diminishing somewhat.

Not much happening, silver medals, Crown Princes, oooh the Dutch coach just took his medal off as soon as he got it. Air hostesses standing inexplicably behind the hand-shaking people.

Spanish team now mounting the steps to receive their medals and the trophy, being led by a player who looks like Justin Hawkins from The Darkness.

They have lifted the trophy! Gold confetti rains down around them! The weeping goalie/captain has handed the trophy to his team, but you can tell he wants it back.

The Dutch are still on the pitch, watching. Someone let them go inside. Ahh, well done Spain. That’s that. Lineker and the Scottish guy and the other guys are going to talk for about an hour now. Probably.

Goodnight!

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