If walls have ears, then here a few things my living room heard this afternoon:
‘Just don’t breathe, just don’t breathe…’
‘Oh my God this is disgusting… it’s so much worse than I thought’
‘I can’t breathe…I can’t…I’m going to puke all over the window!’
‘Just try to think of this as a bonding experience’
‘Do you think there’s e-coli in there?’
‘One day we’ll look back on this and laugh…’ ‘We’ll probably look back and scream.’
‘These big round bits aren’t actually mould! They’re peas! Well..mouldy peas.’
‘Quick, take it! Run outside, run!’ ‘Yep, ok…God, no! My moustache, they’ll see my moustache!’
That’s right… we cleaned out the fridge. Untold horror. Oh, the humanity.
Those are toothpaste moustaches, our attempt to block out the smell. They were quite effective. Also very effective at making your upper lip very tingly and, in Frances’ case, painful. Nevertheless, we were sad to see them go.
If you looked this good with a toothpaste Hitler moustache, you’d miss it too:
This was the solution for the freezer cleaning (the freezer was even worse than the fridge, thanks to fish cakes. Urggg!).
That pashmina is soaked in Elizabeth Arden: Beauty. By the way, putting such a high concentration of perfume on a cloth wrapped closely around your face is liable to start you choking.
There are no photos of the fridge or freezer. It’s not something I want to remember, and certainly not something I want to inflict on you.